Last week I was on the phone with a very dear friend. (With this I have to say that now that I have my little R I just don’t do the phone very much. I know that’s bad and all, and I do still love my friends, it’s just my priorities have, well, shifted. If we haven’t talked in awhile, it’s not that I don’t like/love you still, it’s just I suck at taking the time to call you. So, no hard feelings?!) Ok, back to where I was really going with this. While on the phone with this friend, and mind you since I suck at the phone, we haven’t talked in a while, she of course asks me how R is doing and I, of course, go on and on. Then she says, “So, what’s it like being a mama?” My response, silence at first. It seems like such an easy question but it left me speechless- for all of three seconds before I blurted out, “Great!” Great? Like that’s all I had to say? What?
Being a mom has no doubt changed my life totally, as I’m sure any parent will say the same. It has changed my life in so many fabulous ways. (As I went back to proof read, I had typed love instead of life! It’s true, my love has changed too!) And not to brag or anything, but R is just about the best baby anyone could ask for and I feel extremely blessed. He is truly just a little doll. An angel-doll-yummy baby. Anywho, I feel like I feel so much more now. I suppose that could be the crazy hormones still circulating through my body as I am breast feeding and all, but I think it’s not. Even from the moment we walked through our door when we brought R home from the hospital everything looked different. Everything looked clearer and crisp and beautiful in a whole new way.
I can spend hours with R sitting in bed or on the couch talking and playing with him. These hours just fly by. Time before R had a way of just dragging. I was telling my husband, N, last night that I have such a different perspective on Friday & Saturday nights now. And I’ll admit, it may sound pathetic but oh well. I just don’t mind spending my weekend nights at home hanging out with my boys. This time is just so precious to me. I do still love to hang out with friends and all, but if we stay in and watch a movie and just get to cuddle and play with R, then that is a fantastic Friday night to me.
Back to ‘great.’ So yes, after I hung up the phone with my friend I started thinking about how lame it was that all I could come up with was great. I mean, sure, I guess there are a ton of other adjectives that could describe this feeling, but this feeling is, well, almost indescribable. It just feels so right, sometimes it doesn’t feel like anything different because it has fully consumed me and is me now.
Even though I’ve now thought and thought, wrote about it and thought some more, I still might find it hard to find just the right, perfect word to describe being a mama. But then again maybe I have. Blissfull.
Monica Hearts RQ 